THE ROSE BOWL: Ohio State vs. Oregon

Rose Bowl Game Presented by Citi

Robert Guliano on Why Oregon will win: Because Ohio State is as clutch as FEMA. In big games, they are as reliable as a Jon Gosselin relationship. When the big moment comes, they fold like Santa Claus’ love handles. Yeah, Oregon is good, but they could use the Buckeyes mishaps to seal a Rose Bowl (Game Presented by Citi) title.

Oregon Players to Watch:

3. LaMichael James- The next big thing in Duck country.

2. Jeremiah Masoli- The quarterback has had a fabulous season in Eugene. He will go toe-to-toe with Pryor Friday.

1. Nike- The summit of ballerhood in international sport just happens to work closely with Oregon. This is an unspoken advantage for the Ducks.

Dishonorable Mention: LaGarrette Blount- Could have avoided the whole suspended senior year and ruined football future thing by walking from the sideline to the locker room at a steady gait with relaxed shoulders and light, graceful arm swings.

Brandon Hickey on why Ohio State will win: This is where Keith Jackson says, "Welcome to the granddaddy of them all." While Ohio State has seen their fare share of high-profile bowl games recently, they haven’t been in the Rose Bowl since 1996. This was the epic Joe Germaine-Jake Plummer duel which Ohio State took 20-17. Both of these teams are coming into this game on winning streaks and it should be interesting to see who stays hot. Ohio State had to suspend some notable players for this game, including Cris Carter's son Duron and Ray Small. A fun fact for you: the two teams Ohio State lost to this season, Purdue and USC, were both Oregon wins this season. But, since this isn't a national championship game, Ohio State will actually be competitive.

OSU players to watch:

3. “O” states-Oregon and Ohio State hope to both represent their other “O” states with dignity and pride. And by their other “O” states I mean Oklahoma.

2. Safeties Anderson Russell and Kurt Coleman-These two will need to step up to stop Oregon quarterback Jeremiah Masoli.

1. QB Terrelle Pryor-Pryor sometimes looks like the quarterback in the nation, but sometimes resembles Steve Bellisari. Probably should have played basketball instead.

THE COMPROMISE: Heartbreak again in Columbus, Ducks smell the roses 24-23.

Allstate Sugar Bowl: Cincy vs. Florida

Allstate Sugar Bowl

Robert Guliano on Why Florida will win: Because at least their coach hasn’t left them…..yet. In a bizarre month of coaching chaos, Cincy’s coach Brian Kelly bolted for Notre Dame, and Florida coach Urban Meyer announced he would resign and promptly rescinded the suggestion the very next day. Two coaches. Three mid-life crises. Lord knows what will happen next. It’s Tim Tebow’s last game. Good.

Florida Key Players:

3. Urban Meyer- Something tells me Meyer will resign and Tebow will take over as coach of Florida. Meyer will move to Athletic Director and act as a father figure for Tebow, who coincidentally wasn’t deprived of a father as a child.

2. Joe Haden- He is a great cornerback. He will cover two extremely good receivers.

1. Anyone…..ANYONE but Tim Tebow- Watch a fan in the fourth row, watch the guy holding the chains, watch the yellow-clad rent-a-cops, watch Brandon Spikes’ dreadlocks, watch anything but Tebow.

Brandon Hickey on why Cincy will win: Don’t you love the BCS? Cincinnati is undefeated and not playing in the national championship game. They have quality wins at Oregon State, at South Florida and that memorable road win over Pittsburgh. When starting quarterback Tony Pike was hurt this season, sophomore backup Zach Collaros stepped in for three games and won all of them against tough teams. Collaros also likes the taste of alcohol, so much so that he got a fake ID and got caught with it at a Cincinnati bar. But he didn’t think he had a problem, so he didn’t attend the court-mandated alcohol awareness program. So he may spend the bowl game in jail if he doesn’t end up going to alcohol awareness programs. Cincinnati better hope Pike doesn’t get hurt again.

Cincy Players to Watch:

3. QB Tony Pike-The field general of the offense. He tends to be injury prone and missed three and a half games this year (and see above).

2. RB Isaiah Pead-Stands just 5-11 but is a quick and shifty back. One of the stars of this loaded offense.

1. WRs Mardy Gilyard and Armon Binns-These guys are good. I mean really good. Both have over ten touchdowns.

THE COMPROMISE: Florida wins 45-34. Urban Meyer resigns at halftime, and Tim Tebow cries through the entire fourth quarter.

Capitol One Bowl: PSU vs. LSU

Capitol One Bowl

Robert Guliano on Why Penn State will win: First of all, Capitol One’s ad campaign never fails to baffle me. They run on the slogan “No Hassles.” I’m no social economist, but isn’t credit card debt one of the biggest financial hassles for Americans today. Maybe it should be “No Hassles Until You’re Neck Deep in Credit Card Debt.” And I can’t imagine anything about their commercials is encouraging to Americans plummeting deeper and deeper in the red. I don’t hear anyone saying, “Good thing my debt is with Capitol One! They’ll just send a herd of hairy Nordic vikings to my rescue. Then, they ask “What’s in your wallet?” Try nothing, asshole. Anyway, the game should be a classic New Years battle. I have developed an intricate theory that I like to elegantly interpret by saying: Joe Paterno is too old to lose. I have decided from 2010 on, beating Paterno would be like invading Haiti. You would just feel bad.

Penn State Key Players:

3. Evan Royster- Over 1,000 rushing yards, under 200 carries. No need to do the math, take it from me he’s good.

2. Darryl Clark- Let’s just say if he got injured leading up to Fridays game JoePa would lock himself in an electrical closet. Clark finishes a tremendous career.

1. Joe Paterno- I like to refer to him as Pennsylvania Moses. College Station should be renamed “Joe.” This would effectively locate Penn State University in the city of Joe, PA.

Brandon Hickey on why LSU will win: Finally! A good game! LSU comes into the Capital One Bowl at 9-3 and ranked 13^th. The three losses were in close games against Florida, Alabama and Ole Miss. LSU is a pretty boring team looking at the statistics. Quarterback Jordan Jefferson doesn’t have 2,000 yards passing. The top two running backs have 500 and 300 yards respectively and both have only 4 touchdowns. Brandon LaFell is kinda good. So let’s take a look at the three favorites in the Capital One Mascot Challenge.

Mascot Challenge mascots to Watch:

3. Sebastian the Ibis (Miami)-His name is Sebastian and he’s an Ibis. What’s not awesome about that?

2. Jack Rabbit (South Dakota State)-A spitting image of Bugs Bunny. The kids and grownups alike will love him.

1. Big Red (Western Kentucky) - Nobody knows what a hilltopper is and nobody knows what Big Red is. That’s what makes him awesome. Plus he ate Jim Kelly’s Hall of Fame jacket on Sportscenter.

THE COMPROMISE: Pennsylvania Moses leads the lions to the land of milk and honey, 17-13 Penn State.

Gator Bowl: Bobby Bowden vs. West Virginia

Konica Minolta Gator Bowl

Robert Guliano on Why West Virginia will win: Because the too old to lose rule doesn’t apply to Bobby Bowden. Joe Paterno is cute, loveable old. Bobby Bowden is annoying, cranky old. I, personally, don’t get it, but it seems to be the trend of thought amongst college football purists. I actually appreciate Bowden for virtually creating a monster program at Florida State and displaying a consistent awareness of the dangers of harmful UV rays by wearing his trademark sun hat and sunglasses. Meanwhile West Virginia has looked scary good at times this year under Bill Stewart (who was kind of a stagnant hire). They have an opportunity to make Bowden’s last season at Florida State even more embarrassing than it already was.

West Virginia Players to Watch:

3. QB Jarret Brown- Would have fit perfectly in Rich Rodriguez’s system. At least he’s in a bowl game.

2. RB Noel Devine- The First Noel Devine joins balloon boy, Lonelygirl15, and OK GO as a youtube superstar. Gotta be proud.

1. Jimbo Fisher- I’ll be watching for the moment the heir to the Florida State football throne realizes that he is going to have to start taking the blame for the faltering team that he has been coaching for five years.

Brandon Hickey on why FSU will win: Florida State is 6-6 and got into the Gator Bowl only because Notre Dame didn’t want to be there. They only beat two bowl-eligible teams this year (North Carolina and BYU) and gave up 30.9 points per game. Their leading receiver, Bert Reed, had 58 catches for 710 yards and NO touchdowns. How does this happen? Meanwhile, tight end Beau Reliford has 10 catches for 95 yards and two touchdowns. That’s quite a difference.

Seminole Players to watch:

3. LB Dekoda Watson-Watson leads the Seminoles in tackles for loss and sacks. Also has the strangest spelling of the name “Dakota” ever.

2. Bobby Bowden-Bowden is coaching his last game as Florida State’s head coach. He’s like 90. This is your cue JoePa.

1. QB Christian Ponder-Ponder follows in the line of mediocre white Florida State quarterbacks: Chris Weinke, Chris Rix, Wyatt Sexton (who proclaimed himself as “God” while lying naked in the street), Drew Weatherford, and finally Ponder.

THE COMPROMISE: Spirited effort carries the 'Noles, 38-32 Florida State.

Outback Bowl: Auburn vs. Northwestern

Outback Bowl

Robert Guliano on Why Northwestern will win: Because since the last time Northwestern won a bowl game Barbara Walters has married three men and dated at least three government officials. Since the last time they brought home a bowl trophy, Nelson Mandela has been thrown in and released from prison. Dick Clark was in college. John McCain was in middle school. Northwestern head coach Pat Fitzgerald was twenty-five years away from being born. It has been 61 years. Unless you are a forefather or illegitimate child of biblical Abraham, that’s a long time.

Northwestern Key Players:

3. Mike Kafka- Starting quarterbacks has had ups and downs all year. He would go over 3,000 yards on the season with a solid performance Friday morning.

2. Time- The game begins at 11 a.m. Eastern Time on January 1^st. This renders it a headache for hung over fans on the east coast and leaves it as not an option for passed out fans on the west coast.

1. Pat Fitzgerald- He is already a beloved Northwestern man. He would be the “Big Man on Campus” once again with a rare Wildcat bowl win.

Brandon Hickey on why Auburn will win: Many people wrote off Auburn as a joke when they hired Gene Chizik as their head coach after he went 5-19 at Iowa State. Alum Charles Barkley was the most outspoken critic (obviously) saying that Buffalo coach Turner Gill didn’t get the job because he was black. Nothing like a little racial controversy, huh? Chizik responded by starting out 5-0 before losing three straight SEC games and eventually finished up at 7-5. Gill? 5-7. After a close loss to Alabama in the Iron Bowl, Auburn is sure to be confident going into this game against Big Ten brainiacs Northwestern.

Auburn Key Players:

3. RB Ben Tate-Tate has been a pleasant surprise at tailback. He’s not quite Cadillac Williams or Ronnie Brown, but he has still racked up 1254 yards and 8 touchdowns.

2. K Wes Byrum-Byrum is one of the most consistent kickers in the country, making all 49 extra point attempts and going 14/15 on field goals.

1. Bloomin’ Onions-The Outback Bowl features two decent teams and one fantastic appetizer. The hot breaded onions dipped in that sauce may be one of the best things ever created. I’m drooling.

THE COMPROMISE: Northwestern loves early afternoon football, 27-24 Wildcats.

Chick-Fil-A Bowl: Jonathan Crompton vs. Himself

Chick-Fil-A Bowl

Robert Guliano on Why Tennessee will win: Because Virginia Tech hates playing in Atlanta. They are 0-2 there this year. They should be terrified to go back. What the Chick-Fil-A bowl has done by inviting them back to Atlanta is repulsive. It’s like sending Elian Gonzalez back to Miami. It’s like sending Shaq back to Hollywood (remember Kazaam…). It’s like sending Charlie Sheen back to his house.

Tennessee Players to Watch:

3. QB Jonathan Crompton- Remember when Tennessee had Peyton Manning? How far they have fallen.

2. Monte Kiffin- He’s old. He’s rugged. He’s vicious. He’s spiteful. He’s aggressive. He’s just what you want running your defense.

1. S Eric Berry- You will notice him on your own, trust me.

Brandon Hickey on why Va Tech will win: The Hokies have turned in yet another solid year for Coach Frank Beamer going 9-3 and finishing second in the loaded ACC Coastal Division. Virginia Tech hasn’t missed a bowl in about 30 years and has always been a stalwart in the Big East/ACC. I’m not really sure how the ACC picked the names for their divisions. The Atlantic and Coastal? Come on, isn’t that redundant? How did they decide who’s in the Atlantic and Coastal divisions? I’m done. That’s why the ACC is terrible at football.

3. RB Ryan Williams-Just a freshman, Williams has rushed for 1538 yards and 19 touchdowns, reminding all Hokie fans as a young Kevin Jones and not Marcus Vick.

2. QB Tyrod Taylor-Taylor has been inconsistent as ever his whole career at Va Tech. He was supposed to redshirt his freshman year until Sean Glennon sucked and Beamer decided to play him. He has split time with Glennon ever since. His stats this year: 14 touchdowns, 9 picks. Yeah.

1. DC Bud Foster-Foster has the easy job of stopping Tennessee quarterback Jonathon Crompton. All he has to do is put 4 defensive backs on the field and Crompton will find one of them.

THE COMPROMISE: Beamer Ball, 9-6 Hokies.

Insight Bowl: Disclaimer: If for some reason you have the opportunity to watch this, please refrain.

Insight Bowl

Robert Guliano on Why Minnesota will win: Because they are the lesser of two worthlesses. Both teams are 6-6 (worst record possible to get in Bowl game with) and both teams had not very impressive upset wins over not very impressive conference teams (Nebraska and Northwestern). At the apex of worthlessness the game airs on the NFL Network, a channel that several cable providers do not offer in their basic package. The good news for cable providers is that they likely won’t hear any complaints from people miffed about missing this year’s Insight Bowl.

Minnesota Players NOT TO WATCH (since it is not on NFL Network and your local sports bar would rather play World Series of Poker reruns):

3. WR Erik Decker- Oh wait, he’s injured. So, the three people watching the game won’t be watching him.

2. Purdue- The Boilermakers finished ahead of the Gophers in the conference and didn’t make a bowl game. That is a testament to the quality of this contest.

1. Tim Brewster- Minnesota’s coach got a contract extension for his efforts this year. Baby steps.

Brandon Hickey on why Iowa State will win: Somehow, Iowa State is in a bowl game. Iowa State hasn’t been relevant in any sport since 2000 when they went to the Elite Eight behind Marcus Fizer and Jamaal Tinsley, who enjoys being in gunfights. Anyway this Cyclone team is 6-6 and barely made this bowl game, which is about right. Their best and really only win came at Nebraska, and nobody knows how that happened. They play Minnesota, who is also sitting at 6-6 and only have one good win (at Northwestern). It’s a good thing this game is on the NFL Network, because nobody will want to watch it.

Cyclone players to watch:

3. Nobody. There aren’t three good players from Iowa State.

2. Or any interesting things in Iowa.

1. Ames, Iowa to be exact.

THE COMPROMISE: No one cares.

Texas Bowl: Navy vs. "Mizzou?"

Texas Bowl

Robert Guliano on Why Navy will win: Because the Naval academy produces winners. Roger Staubach won the Super Bowl and the Heisman. David Robinson won the NBA championship. President Jimmy Carter won a Nobel Peace Prize. Astronaut Alan Shepherd helped win the Space Race. Ross Perot lost a couple elections, but he’s pretty rich. And Montel Williams is sort of a notable alumnus. That was more of a fun fact though.

Navy Players to watch:

3. John McCain- Another Navy alum who has become accustomed to losing. He still plays a central role in the day to day operations of our government and down the road may participate in a vote that determines the BCS’ future.

2. Ken Niumatalolo- Look for Mark Jones and Bob Davies to defy the odds of articulation in trying to pronounce the Navy Coach’s name. The “n” sound should be clear, but the rest should be an incoherent jumble. And God forbid Lou Holtz is in the studio trying to say it.

1. Ricky Dobbs- Navy quarterback played big all year including a near upset of Ohio State early on.

Brandon Hickey on why "Mizzou" will win: Many thought Missouri would drop off after all of the Chases left, but they feasted on a weak non-conference schedule and the Big 12 North as a whole, finishing 8-4. There’s not much to say about this team, no one really sticks out for them except the players below. On an unrelated note, Missouri also goes by the name “Mizzou.” Why? Because it’s easier to say? The two “z’s” make it cool? I think the people who started that just read every letter as if it was flipped. What do you get when you flip an “s” around? That’s right, a z.

3. WR Forrest Shock-Shock leads the nation in QB Rating: 631.6. He is 1-1 for 24 yards and a touchdown. Navy better watch out.

2. WR Danario Alexander-Alexander had a extraordinary season in which he totaled 107 catches for 1644 yards and 13 touchdowns.

1. OLB Sean Weatherspoon-Weatherspoon leads the Missouri defense and is going to be counted on to stop the Navy option attack. He also has a Twitter account (and apparently just met Antonio Smith and Amobi Okoye of the Texans).

THE COMPROMISE: Anchors aweigh my boys, Navy takes it 24-20.

Brut Sun Bowl: Stanford vs. Oklahoma

Brut Sun Bowl

Robert Guliano on Why Stanford will win: The theme for this game is runner-ups. The game is full of desperately short of tremendous entities. Oklahoma was last year’s National Championship runner-up. Stanford’s Toby Gerhart was this year’s Heisman runner-up. Even the halftime performer fits the bill. David Archuleta was American Idol’s runner up. The only thing that has fallen faster than Oklahoma’s ranking this year is Stanford alum Tiger Woods’ reputation. Led by Gerhart Stanford should run over a squandered Sooner squad.

Stanford Key players:

3. Steve Beurlein- The one-time pro bowler (that is not impressive—just look at a list of one-time pro bowlers) will be color commentating this one. Be prepared to hear insight on the game that you wouldn’t find anywhere else, including the minds of successful college head coaches like Bob Stoops and Jim Harbaugh.

2. Jim Harbaugh- I swear I’m not just naming random mediocre quarterbacks. This would be a huge win for the young coach.

1. RB Toby Gerhart- This large, disproportional back looks unnatural doing anything. He looks like he doesn’t even need shoulder pads. Several female consultants have told me that he is rather unnatural looking as well. Nevertheless, he will make a difference in this one.

Brandon Hickey on why Oklahoma will win: Oklahoma joins USC and Georgia as top-level programs who took a step back this season. The Sooners opened up the season against BYU and lost starting quarterback and defending Heisman trophy winner Sam Bradford in the second quarter. Finishing at 5-3 in the Big 12 is not what is expected in Norman, and it doesn’t get any easier in the Sun Bowl against Stanford. Oklahoma football is pretty much all Oklahomans have, and Oklahoma football has been downright disappointing since winning the national championship in 2001. Since then, the Sooners have only won one BCS game and have lost three national championships. Coincidently, suicide rates in Oklahoma have climbed 12% since 2004. As I said, Oklahoma football is all these people have.

Oklahoma Key Players:

3. DT Gerald McCoy-McCoy’s main job will be to stop Toby Gerhart. Hopefully the announcers won’t go overboard on “The Real McCoy” references.

2. OT Trent Williams-Todd McShay likes him. Not in a man-love kind of way or anything. Just as a prospect.

1. QB Sam Bradford-He says he’s going to the NFL, but he should think about staying in school another year. No NFL team wants to draft an injured quarterback.

THE COMPROMISE: Oklahoma's defense shows up, 21-13 Sooners.

Armed Forces Bowl: Case Keenum vs. Air Force

Bell Helicopter Armed Forces Bowl

Robert Guliano on Why Air Force will win: They won’t. They have won all the games they were supposed to win. They have lost all the games they were supposed to lose. They are the underdog here, so for the second straight year they will bow out to Houston in the Armed Forces Bowl.

Air Force Players to Watch:

3. Case Keenum- Houston quarterback should light the Falcons up.

2. Case Keenum- He generated serious Heisman buzz this year.

1. Case Keenum- I’m seeing a trend here. He is the only thing worth watching and has little to nothing to do with Air Force.

Brandon Hickey on why Houston will win: Houston is an offensive powerhouse to say the least. Let’s take a look at some stats: 43.9 points per game, 450 passing yards per game, beat Rice 73-14. It’s like you were playing NCAA College Football 10 on junior varsity. Houston scored a monumental upset over then fifth ranked Oklahoma State in week two that put them on the college football map and tore up the mediocre C-USA before falling to East Carolina in the championship game.

Houston Players to Watch:

3. QB Andre Ware-Ware, the 1989 Heisman winner and Houston quarterback, hopes the Cougars win so people will start talking about him again. He is being quickly forgotten after being dumped from the ESPN good channels to ESPN regional coverage of the SEC.

2. Phi-Catcha-Passa-Everyone remembers the great “Phi Slamma Jamma” Houston basketball team of the 80s that included Hakeem Olajuwon and Clyde Drexler. But Houston’s football team has a great trio of receivers in James Cleveland, Tyron Carrier and Patrick Edwards. They combined to catch 26 touchdowns this year and Edwards had 985 receiving yards and was third on the team.

1. QB Case Keenum-A great name and a great game. Threw for 43 touchdowns and ran for 4 more. Passed former Cincinnati quarterback David Klingler to break the record of touchdown passes at Houston.

THE COMPROMISE: Keenum throws for 450 yards, Houston wins 49-24.

Pacific Life Holiday Bowl

Nebraska vs. Arizona

Robert Guliano on why Nebraska will win: Because Ndamukong Suh is tougher than Al Sharpton’s comb. He is craftier than Martha Stewart’s throw pillows. He is more disruptive than Senator Joe Wilson’s index finger. He has proven that he can basically win a game by himself against the nation’s best, so Arizona should be no problem.

Nebraska players to watch:

3. QB Zac Lee- If you gave him a shoe and sent him to a presidential news conference, security wouldn’t even blink. He is awful. Seven of his thirteen touchdowns came against mid-level Sun Belt teams. He should contrast Suh’s impact well and give the Huskers a chance to lose this one.
2. Bo Pelini- Watch him grimace when his team is on offense, is about to be on offense, or is in danger of putting themselves in a position in which the offense has to enter the field of play.
1. Ndamukong Suh- He is scary good. I haven’t seen anyone this dominant since I saw a scantily clothed and computerized Gerard Butler in 300.

Brandon Hickey on why Arizona will win: Arizona’s season looked to be in shambles after a loss at Iowa in the third week of the season where their star tight end and best player Rob Gronkowski injured his back and was out for the season. Arizona responded nicely though with wins over Pac-10 rivals Stanford and Oregon State and rounded out the season with a huge win over USC. The lesser known coaching Stoops, Mike, is turning around a program that hadn’t been to a bowl in ten years until last year’s victory in the Las Vegas Bowl. This year’s appearance in the Holiday Bowl is a definite improvement.

3. QB Nick Foles-A Michigan State transfer, Foles has stepped nicely into departed four-year starter Willie Tuitama’s shoes. He is said to have a big arm, which sounds like a personal problem to me.
2. WR Juron Criner-Criner is Foles’ favorite target in the endzone, catching almost half of Foles’ touchdown passes. Criner? I barely even know her.
1. History-The Wildcats have history on their side. They beat Nebraska 23-20 in the 1998 Holiday Bowl in a game that featured prominent pros such as Chris McAlister, Edwin Mulitalo, Eric Crouch, and the kicking Brown brothers Josh and Kris.

The Compromise: Nebraska celebrates the Holiday with a 24-14 win.

Roady's Humanitarian Bowl

Bowling Green vs. Idaho

Robert Guliano on why BG will win: This is a battle of the middle of the pack. The middle of the MAC against the middle of the WAC. Defense is sure to be a little in the lack. BG’s Tyler Sheehan is a potent quarterback. He is bound to toss the Vandal’s a little off track. Look out for all the yards that Freddy Barnes can rack. I just don’t think the Vandals can sack the Falcon attack.
Anyway………………………………………………..


BG Players to Watch:

3. QB Tyler Sheehan- Three straight years with 20 touchdowns. That’ll do.
2. The stands- Should be all Falcon fans. I am still not entirely convinced people live in Idaho.
1. Freddie Barnes- Over 1500 yards receiving and 16 touchdowns. You wouldn’t be the only one watching him closely because he has legitimate NFL potential.

Brandon Hickey on why Idaho will win: Yes, you’re reading that right. The Idaho Vandals are in a bowl game! The past two years of Idaho football had been terrible, with only one win over a division one opponent and a 70-0 blowout at Arizona. But Idaho coach Robb Akey instilled some kind of confidence is his team and they somehow came out with a 7-5 record. Anyway, a vandal is apparently “a person who willfully or ignorantly destroys or mars something beautiful or valuable (dictionary.com)” Let’s look at it this way: the game of football is a beautiful game and the vandals are used to willfully destroying it. This year, Idaho has a high flying offense, scoring 21 or more points in every single game.

3. QB Nathan Enderle-Enderle has been the Vandals’ stalwart behind center. He has thrown for 18 touchdowns this year and over 2600 yards. He has only 667 friends on Facebook.
2. Proximity-Boise is only 5 hours from Vandal Headquarters in Moscow. Moscow, Idaho, not USSR.
1. Former Senator Larry Craig and Sarah Palin-The Idaho alums will be prouder of their football team than their political standing. No jokes needed here.

The Compromise: Bowling Green knocks the potatoes out of Idaho in a shootout 48-42.

Champs Sports Bowl

Robert Guliano on why Wisconsin will win: Because they are living it up. The Badgers perennially mosey through a soft schedule and reach their program’s above average but below spectacular expectations. Everyone in Madison seems content with the Badgers tradition of losing to the Big Ten’s best and perusing through the rest of their schedule with the option of taking an additional loss on the way. This year the Badgers vacationed to Hawaii to play a game that for all intents and purposes shouldn’t have been played. Since they closed the season (it was the last game of the college football year—which wasn’t quite a grand finale) in the refreshing warmth of Hawaii, they will be primed and ready to play in Orlando on Tuesday.

Wisconsin Players to Watch:
3. Potential NFL Backup Quarterback- They have had “Just Win” Jim Sorgi, Brooks Bollinger, and John Stocco. None of them were even close to talented enough to start in the NFL and all of them have been superb knee-takers. This year Scott Tolzien fills the role. He manages a mean balanced offense.
2. Bret Bielema- He was born in a place called Prophetstown, Illinois. This guy is like a coherent Moses, with muscles, and a calf tattoo.
1. John Clay- Yet another tremendous back for Wisconsin. Almost 1400 yards and 16 tds.

Brandon Hickey on why Miami will win: The U seems to finally be back as a football program. Coach Randy Shannon seems to have turned the tides in his second go-around. The Canes are 9-3 and knocked off ACC Champ Georgia Tech in week 2 of the season. Their finish in the ACC gets them to the Champs Sports Bowl against a gritty Wisconsin team. Miami still hasn’t got to the pedestal that former coach Larry Coker got them to, but they’re making do with what they have. I’ve always liked Champs, but they’re not my favorite place to go for fresh new kicks. My shoe store rankings go like this: 1) Finish Line 2) Champs 3) The Shoe Department and 4) Foot Locker. I have never bought anything at Foot Locker and probably never will. Plus they’re employees are dressed like referees.

3. RBs Graig Cooper, Damien Berry, Javarris James-The Canes feature a triumvirate of running backs that keep pounding you during the game. Javarris James is Edgerrin’s little bro, and is probably the better brother right now.
2. Terry Porter-Not the Portland Trail Blazers legend, the referee who called pass interference against Miami in the 2003 Fiesta Bowl that gave Ohio State the national championship. He will not be refereeing this game, which is good for the Canes. Terry Porter from the Blazers is from Wisconsin though. Hmmm.
1. QB Jacory Harris-Harris is the sparkplug to the Miami offense. He could be a top five pick in next year’s draft and does not remind anybody of Ken Dorsey.

The compromise: Wisconsin is a Big Ten team. Big Ten teams don't win bowl games. Miami 27-17

EagleBank Bowl

Robert Guliano on why UCLA will win: UCLA needed a late season loss by Army (you know, the powerhouse of the early 20th century) just to get into this appalling affair. The Bruins take their .333 conference winning percentage into RFK Stadium (a venue that is accustomed to shitty football). Luckily for UCLA, they are playing a Temple team that has lived in football infamy for years. Look for UCLA to squeak out a win in a game they were likely praying not to go to.

UCLA Players to Watch:
3. QB Kevin Craft- Splitting time with Kevin Prince this season, Craft has been run of the mill in losses and run of the mill in wins.
2. QB Kevin Prince- Prince is the only thing more average than Kevin Craft.
1. Oprah- Oprah starts at four, the EagleBank Bowl starts at 4:30. The EagleBank bowl features star Bruin kicker Kai Forbath. Oprah features Dr. Oz. The EagleBank Bowl gives out a trophy. Oprah gives out cars. It’s your call.

Brandon Hickey on why Temple will win: A program notorious for getting kicked out of the Big East during the Great Conference Reshuffling of 2004, Temple has found its way to football relevancy under the tutelage of Coach Al Golden. This Golden Era (I love it) for Temple football has been helped by true freshman running back Bernard Pierce. Pierce rushed for 1,300 yards and 15 touchdowns this year as the only notable player on the Owls team. Oddly enough, there is no temple at Temple University. Nor is it a Jewish University. Riddle me that.

3. RB Bernard Pierce-See above, literally the only notable player on the team.
2. Mr. Owl-Mr. Owl is a cheater. You’re supposed to lick the tootsie pop, not bite into it. Why he bit into it, the world may never know.
1. Bill Cosby-Cosby was a fullback on the 1962 Temple football team. He also may be crazy (cue Bill Cosby crazy talk).

Advo-Care V100 Independence Bowl

Texas A&M vs. Georgia

Robert Guliano on why Texas A&M will win:
Advocare V100, a vitamin supplement, has directed a good portion of its advertising toward NCAA athletics. In fact, their website mentions it several times including a passage that implies the packaging is convenient for simple distribution in a locker room setting. This, to me, is a phenomenon that will likely be ignored on a large scale. Something tells me coaches' pre-game or post practice concern is their players' folic acid levels. Nevertheless, I'm guessing the Aggies won't take the vitamins and won't be broken up about it. A&M has been the most inscrutable team in football in 2009. They looked miserable in blowout losses to Oklahoma, Kansas State and Arkansas but played tough in losses against Oklahoma State and Texas. For a program that is frantically seeking a way to get back to the top tier of college football, a bowl win against a hard-hitting mid-level SEC team would go a long way.

Texas A&M Players to Watch:
3. The 12th man-One of the most loyal fan bases in college football. We will see just how loyal they are in this one. The Aggies play a couple of states over in an increasingly insignificant bowl that is held at a rather inconvenient time of day. It's 5 p.m. start may be drowned out by local or national news shows and perhaps a few early evening reality show reruns.

2. Mike Sherman-The Aggies coach entered College Station to find a challenge that was considerably more difficult than his previous head coaching stint (with the Green Bay Packers where he was handed one of the greatest quarterbacks of all-time, pro-bowl talent, and everything short of 53 tickets to the Super Bowl). A win here would serve as a momentous stepping-stone in A&M's rebuilding.

1. QB Jerrod Johnson-The multi-talented quarterback has scored 36 touchdowns this year and went punch for punch with Colt McCoy in the Aggie's season finale.

Brandon Hickey on why Georgia will win:
I bet Georgia didn't think they were going to be in the Independence Bowl at the beginning of the year! What used to be one of the top-dawg (haha) programs in the nation has had a miserable season and it may be worse facing a good Texas A&M team in the bowl game. Georgia used to produce defensive stars like Champ Bailey, David Pollack (pre-paralyzed), Boss Bailey and Richard Seymour. Now the defense gives up 24.6 points per game and has looked porous in its last couple outings. The Georgia football team will also be entering this game with heavy hearts; mascot and real-live bulldog Uga VII died of a heart attack in late November. Not to worry, though, because Georgia has a fill-in bulldog for the bowl game: Russ, Uga VII's half-brother. Russ will not become the next Uga though, according to the associate athletic director. These people care too much.

Georgia Players to Watch:
3. WR A.J. Green-Green is the best receiver Georgia has. He leads the team in receptions and.....upon further fact-checking, is out for the year with an injured shoulder. Nevermind.

2. Mark Richt's Chair-Mark Richt's seat is fire burning fire burning on the dance floor. A 7-5 season and a home loss to Kentucky don't cut it between the hedges. A loss in the bowl game would make his office hotter than an Arizona missile (Turn My Swag On Remix lyric, I like it but don't get it)

1. QB Joe Cox-Joe Cox is a person whom, if you were talking about them, you'd have to say their full name, even when it would be natural to call them by their first name. Others in this category include Brad Pitt, Jeff Kent, and Kim Jong-Il (and his brother, Menta-Lee Il)

The compromise: Mark Richt keeps his job as Johnson makes too many mistakes 35-27.

Gaylord Hotels Music City Bowl

Robert Guliano on why Kentucky will win:
Three letters. S-E-C. Yes, it is the best conference in college football. It may have been down this year, but so was just about every other conference. Kentucky was very competitive against mid-level SEC teams, including an upset of Georgia (who just so happened to beat ACC champion Georgia Tech). C.J. Spiller will be a handful, but Kentucky has seen it all when it comes to talented rushers in blowout losses to Florida and Alabama.

Kentucky players to watch:
3. CB Trevard Lindley-The Wildcat corner is a legit draft prospect that brings big plays to the table. If you choose to actually watch him, bear in mind that he does play football for Kentucky, and you will more than likely walk away disappointed.

2. Desperate Housewives-Assuming you have the psychological endurance to watch the first half hour of this game, you will be relieved to find out that a superior alternative will air on network television, Desperate Housewives. I'd say Wisteria Lane is the perfect escape for downtrodden bowl fans that grow weary of watching mediocre early bowl season football.

1. John Wall-Everyone is crazy about the freshman basketball superstar. He is far bigger than anything/anyone involved in this bowl game and will likely be mentioned by entry-level game announcers yearning for content that doesn't involve C.J. Spiller's almost Heisman finalist season.

Brandon Hickey on why Clemson will win:
The Music City Bowl is famous for worthless football, and this year is no different. Clemson, who went 8-5 and gave Maryland one of their two wins this year, is coming off a loss in the ACC Championship game. Clemson, South Carolina is a quaint college town tucked away in the northwestern part of the state, whose motto is "In season, every season." Uhhhh. Its main draw is obviously the University, but a hidden tourist gem is also located in Clemson: the South Carolina Botanical Gardens. What is the point of a botanical garden? Oh, hey, I know what we should do, let's go look at some trees and bushes. That sounds like a good time. Botanical gardens are more pointless than icebreakers.

Clemson players to watch:
3. Howard's Rock-How Clemson reacts to not rubbing this hallowed rock before the game will be intriguing to observe. Yes, a rock is one of the players to watch.

2. WR Jacoby Ford-Ford is the leading receiver and can also be used out of the backfield; is also too cool for the name Jacob.

1. RB C.J. Spiller-Obviously. This kid is quicker than South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford's hike on the Appalachian Trail.

The compromise: Clemson handles whoever Kentucky has on their team and Spiller scores twice on the ground and once through the air. The Tigers growl 31-13.

Emerald Bowl: USC vs. Boston College

Emerald Bowl

Robert Guliano on Why Boston College will win: Because the Catholic’s are due to beat USC sometime. The Trojans have trounced Notre Dame throughout the decade, and the Eagles could turn the tides with a triumph just days before we enter a new one. There is no better year to try to knock off USC either. Freshman Matt Barkley swept onto the college football scene with his sunshine blond hair and laid back SoCal demeanor in a comeback win over Ohio State. However, things went awry quickly from there. Barkley conveniently forgot to keep impressing people, star safety Taylor Mays reduced his impact on games, and their convoy of running backs failed to take the offense to new levels. I simply don’t see how a spoiled USC team can take the Emerald Bowl seriously after countless trips to the BCS. Boston College might roll in this one.

Boston College Players to Watch:

3. QB Dave Shinskie- The 25-year old freshman will have to face an athletic secondary that includes NFL prospect Taylor Mays.

2. LB Mark Herzlich- Last year’s All American linebacker was diagnosed with cancer in May and cancer-free by September. He should be found roaming the sidelines hungry for his return in 2010.

1. The Virgin Mary- Twenty-five years after Doug Flutie’s “Hail Mary,” the “mother of grace” may be called on again for some Emerald Bowl magic.

Brandon Hickey on why USC will win: Hahahahahahahhahahahahahahhahahahahaha. USC is in the Emerald Bowl. Hahahahhaa. We probably should have seen this coming though. Matt Barkley starts out great against Ohio State, and then lays a perpetual egg the rest of the year. Stafon Johnson drops a weightlifting bar on his neck and almost dies. Losses to Washington, Stanford, and Arizona cripple their chance at a good bowl game. The last time they were in a non-BCS bowl game was 2001 in the Las Vegas bowl where they lost to Utah. Even Pete Carroll can’t make this a fun game for his players. Suddenly, he is not as hip as everyone thought he was.

3. Boosters-Boosters pretty much run the athletic programs at USC. They got money to blow, and they give it to poor college athletes. Look for $50s flying around Pac Bell Park/SBC Park/AT&T Park/The House that Victor Conte Built.

2. RB Joe McKnight-A distant cousin of R&B crooner Brian McKnight, Joe is the star of the Trojan squad. One could say he is the Brad Pitt of the team, if the team was the actual Trojan Army and this was the movie Troy.

1. Pete Carroll-Pete Carroll is so hip, he shops at American Eagle. Pete Carroll is so hip, his best friends are Snoop Dogg and Will Ferrell. Pete Carroll is so hip, he uses Twitter (well, maybe that’s not so hip).

THE COMPROMISE: As usual Pete Carroll plays it cool in a bowl win close to home, Trojans 34-17.

Meineke Car Care Bowl: Pitt vs. UNC

Meineke Car Care Bowl

Robert Guliano on Why UNC will win: Because they would win in basketball. North Carolina should stop caring about football, not to say they even do. In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if quarterback T.J. Yates is just a basketball walk-on that got cut and was dumped on the football team. Yates has had a strikingly average year as he has consistently balanced game changing touchdown passes with self-destructive interceptions. Lucky for him, Pitt is coming off a heartbreak at the hands of Cincinnati and will likely go through the motions and let this one get away from them.

UNC Players to Watch:

3. Dave Wannstedt’s Mustache- I know he’s Pitt’s coach, but this thing could have a legitimate effect on the outcome of the game. If I were in the same city as that mustache, I would be mortified. I’m not saying it is an intimidator, but it’s more of a nuisance and an atrocious one at that.

2. Butch Davis’ freckles- The UNC coach has an abundance of these, which may be the reason I have never actually seen his eyes. Even when he coached the Browns and I watched him religiously every Sunday, I never really got past the dermal spots.

1. T.J Yates- Mark my words. Two touchdowns, Two Interceptions. Another day at the office.

Brandon Hickey on why Pitt will win: Remember when Pitt was up 38-24 against Cincinnati in the fourth quarter and seemed like a lock to go to a BCS bowl? Then Cincinnati puts up three touchdowns in the span of 8 minutes and beats the Wannstache and ends up in the Sugar Bowl. Now, Pitt finds themselves in the Meineke Car Care Bowl against basketball powerhouse North Carolina. Last year, this would have been a sweet basketball game. This year, it’s likely to be a game less exciting than Are You Smarter than a Fifth Grader Reruns.

3. QB Bill Stull- Fact: Bill Stull is the only college student named William to go by the name Bill.

2. WR Jonathan Baldwin-The forgotten Baldwin brother is the Panthers’ leading receiver.

1. RB Dion Lewis-Lewis has 16 touchdowns as a true freshman. Pitt fans hope he becomes another LaRod Stephens-Howling.

THE COMPROMISE: Pitt 28-21. Because let's face it, this isn't basketball.

Pizza Bowl Preview: Ohio U vs. Marshall

Little Caesar’s Pizza Pizza Bowl-

Robert Guliano on Why Ohio will win: Finally we get a game with two top ten teams. Marshall has been in the top ten in inspirational sport’s movies in recent years, and Ohio has made its home on the Princeton Review’s top ten party schools. As a student at Ohio University, I can attest that the football team’s mysterious success has created little buzz around campus. After all, cheap beer, hard liquor, and various gateway drugs typically account for most buzzes at Ohio University. The game should be the ugliest in recent bowl history and will fittingly be held in Detroit. The Bobcat’s late MAC run should provide enough momentum for a victory in this one.

Ohio Players to Watch:

3. Frank Solich- He’s such a little creeper.

2. QB Theo Scott- The Bobcat quarterback has looked almost potent and barely composed all season, but it has been enough to get by.

1. Captain Morgan- It is a one o’clock game on a Saturday. The majority of Ohio students are hung-over at one on a Saturday, so there is no reason to think the football team won’t be.

Brandon Hickey on why Marshall will win: We are…Marshall! We are…without a coach! Mark Snyder appropriately walked out on his team after the last regular season game where they were blown out by UTEP. After his resignation, the Thundering Herd was naturally invited to the Little Caesar’s Pizza Pizza Bowl. The proud school of such NFL stars as Chad Pennington, Byron Leftwich, and Randy Moss has hit hard times, last appearing in a bowl game in 2004. The Thundering Herd has yet to announce an interim coach, but one might think that Matthew McConaughey has the best chance to get the nod after his performance in that one movie that didn’t win any awards.

3. Julius Caesar-The late emperor of the Roman Empire has to be furious with being the face of a pizza company that specializes in specializing $5 pizzas. What a fall from grace.

2. WR Darius Marshall-He plays for both the name on the front of his jersey and the back of his jersey.

1. QB Brian Anderson-The former Cleveland Indians pitcher and broadcaster needs to step up against the dangerous Bobcat defense. Look for many fastballs coming off his three step drop.

THE COMPROMISE: Solich earns his controversial bowl win bonus, 23-19 Cats.

Sheraton Hawaii Bowl

Sheraton Hawaii Bowl

Robert Guliano on Why Nevada will win- They have two 1,000 yard rushers and one 1,000 yard passer. Two of them are the same person (confusing I know). The Wolfpack should dispose of a cordial SMU team that generously handed Washington State its only win and respectfully lost to every bowl bound team they faced.

Nevada Players to Watch:

3. Phil Ivey- This is poker, right?

2. Wayne Newton- Oh, not that Nevada.

1. QB Colin Kaepernick- There we go. The lanky field general has rushed for over 1100 yards and passed for over 1800. He will be the only thing worth watching that isn’t a hula skirt.

Brandon Hickey on why SMU will win: The Southern Methodist Mustangs have not been to a bowl game in about 50 years. They were given the death penalty by the NCAA for paying their players even after the NCAA put them on probation for doing just so. So basically, they couldn’t have a football team for about three years because of it. And until this season they still didn’t. SMU brought in June Jones from Hawaii to help turn the program around, and that he did. He will be making his return to the Big Island, which is sure to be emotional, well, maybe. It is really a big thing that the Mustangs are in a bowl game, maybe even bigger than the George W. Bush Presidential Library that is being built on campus. If you think about it, that library can’t be that big. How much do you think President Bush knew about literature or read? SMU is Laura Bush’s alma mater, and she killed a guy. Look it up.

3. RB Shawnbrey McNeal-Yes, that’s his name. No, it wasn’t my idea.

2. Jay McGraw-Dr. Phil’s son will be sure to cheer on his alma mater while teaching people how to eat right or not be idiots.

1. QB Kyle Padron-Padron (on ice) filled in nicely for the injured Bo Levi Mitchell (not kidding) when Mitchell was hurt in the middle of the season. His favorite target is WR (O Come, O Come) Emmanuel Sanders.

THE COMPROMISE: June Jones' return to Hawaii is a bitter one. Wolfpack roll 27-10.

Poinsettia Bowl

Robert Guliano on Why Utah Will Win: The Utes have one an astonishing eight straight bowl games and is a perennial overachiever. Cal, on the other hand, has provided preseason poll voters with a yearly regret on their season predictions. They have groomed a special breed of players that is unusually high when it comes to talent and predictably disappointing when it comes to wins. The list extends from Kyle Boller, to J.J. Arrington, to Aaron Rodgers, to Nate Longshore, to Marshawn Lynch, and now to Jahvid Best and Kevin Reilly. Utah keeps winning bowl games, while Cal continues to waste talent.

Utah Players To Watch:

3. RB Eddie Wide- He is easily the second best running back featured in this game. Ironically, the number one back is Jahvid Best.

2. A Samoan Lineman with long, frizzy hair- This is always a good “I Spy” item when viewing Utah games. Especially for you L’Oreal (No more tangles) enthusiasts.

1. Thor Salanoa- A defensive lineman from Hawaii that is yet to register a stat and likely won’t play in the game. However, his name is good enough to make #1 on my list. Thor is a mythological ginger that is often portrayed methodically beating the hell out of things, people, animals, and occasionally Gods.

Brandon Hickey on why Cal will win: Did you see Jahvid Best fly!!!! Wow. If you haven’t, he flew about 20 feet in the air after getting hit and landed straight on his head, then pretty much froze. He really defied gravity, for all you Wicked fans out there. It’s really gruesome to watch, but you just can’t look away. Anyway, Poinsettias are nice. What is the correct pronunciation of poinsettia by the way? Is it poin-sett-a, or poin-sett-eeya? Help me out.

3. Hippies-There are hippies everywhere at Cal. Stay away from them and their brownies.

2. QB Kevin Riley-The sure-armed passer of the Golden Bears finally got his chance to shine with co-competitor Nate Longshore graduated. He threw for 2636 yards and 17 touchdowns.

1. RB Shane Vereen-Vereen has picked up where Best dropped off (oops, too soon?). In the last three games he has rushed for 444 yards and 4 touchdowns.

THE COMPROMISE: Utah in a shootout 37-31