1 Alabama Crimson Tide vs. 16 Wyoming Cowboys
Location: The Birmingham Zoo, Birmingham, Alabama
The Showdown: Since red, rising water isn't exactly intimidating, the elephant has to be used as the mascot of Alabama. A cowboy who walks up to the elephant exhibit at the Birmingham Zoo will sure to be jumping out of his chaps when he sees the huge mammal staring down at him. The elephant, normally peaceful animal, will whip its trunk around and stun the disheveled westerner. Sorry, Billy the Kid, you can't lasso an elephant.
Winner: Alabama by a couple thousand pounds.
8 Cal Golden Bears vs. 9 North Carolina Tar Heels
Location: Redwood Regional Park, Berkeley, California
The Showdown: When a bear, much less a golden bear, smells its prey, it goes in for the kill. So when a ram from North Carolina struts into Redwood Regional Park, the golden bear has already sensed its presence. When it sees the lowly sheep feasting on wild grass, the golden bear knows it has won the battle. After the pounce, the bear rips the ram to shreds.
Winner: Cal. There will only be horns and enough wool for ten sweaters left when the bear gets through.
5 Wisconsin Badgers vs. 12 Nevada Wolfpack
Location: University of Wisconsin Arboretum, Madison, Wisconsin
The Showdown: Badgers are a lot tougher than you think. They're fierce animals and will do anything to protect their young. They're also known to run up to 20 miles an hour at top speed. Plus, a wolf from Nevada has no chance surviving in the Wisconsin cold. Also, wolves are known to only attack their prey when it tries to flee, which doesn't really make sense in the animal world.
Winner: Wisconsin badgers are tough animals and will stand their ground. The wolf will stop threatening and will go looking for better tasting food (aka cheese).
4 Virginia Tech Hokies vs. 13 Temple Owls
Location: George Washington National Forest, Blacksburg, Virginia
The Showdown: For all those who don't know, a hokie is a glorified turkey. Turkeys are not that intimidating, and are very tasty at the end of November. The largest bird of the forest eats mainly berries and other non-animal things. An owl is a bird of prey, eating anything from mice to small mammals. Owls mainly hunt at night and are downright scary looking.
Winner: In a huge upset, the Owls are able to track down their turkey prey and kill them with their sharp talons, even in a foreign forest.
3 Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets vs. 14 Air Force Falcons
Location: Metro Atlanta Beekeepers Association, Atlanta, Georgia
The Showdown: The Falcon flies down to Metro Atlanta for his in-air face-off with the yellow jacket. The yellow jacket has mainly one weapon, that huge stinger on the end of his body. The falcon has many weapons to use, including its fierce talons and sharp beak. Once a yellow jacket stings, it sometimes loses its stinger too, ultimately making it ineffective and downright annoying. The falcon is also Air Force trained, meaning it can fly very well and knows how to attack.
Winner: The falcon easily handles the sting of the bee and crushes the insect with its strong talons. The falcon is too big and too strong for the meddling bee.
6 Nebraska Cornhuskers vs. 11 Fresno State Bulldogs
Location: The Weaver Family Farm, Lincoln, Nebraska
The Showdown: While the Weavers are calmly husking their corn on their expansive Lincoln farm, a bulldog shows up looking for war. Bulldogs are not very agile, while the husker is quick and is very good with his hands. The husker may also have a scythe, which the bulldog has no weapon of choice.
Winner: The bulldog runs away from the husker with its tail tucked between its legs.
7 Oregon State Beavers vs. 10 Rutgers Scarlet Knights
Location: Willamette River, Corvallis, Oregon
The Showdown: The Scarlet Knight rides into Corvallis on a valiant steed looking for the nearest dam to attack. With a sword in hand, the knight cuts up the dam left and right; the beavers don't know what to think. With no ability to fight back, the beavers stand no chance.
Winner: The beavers eventually retreat down the river while the knight sits victorious on top of his stallion.
2 Florida Gators vs. 15 Middle Tennessee State Blue Raiders
Location: Newman's Lake Conservation Area, Gainesville, Florida
The Showdown: Middle Tennessee's mascot, Lightning, is a winged horse based on Greek mythology. This really makes no sense whatsoever. Anyway, the horse "flies" down to Gainesville for an interesting matchup against a giant alligator. Alligators are natural predators and will eat anything in sight. The swamp is where the alligator is most dangerous, and a horse, much less a flying one, will not be comfortable in a place without comfortable footing.
Winner: Lightning falls into a swampy area and obviously can't swim. The gator attacks and has enough meals to last it a week.
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